Is today important...?

OF COURSE IT IS!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

As you can guess, I'm a little bit excited, despite the fact I'm hundreds of miles away from my family and friends. I have friends here though of course, and they are amazing, I'm too lucky, but this is my first birthday where I've been away from any immediate family members and as excited as I am, I'm still a little...anxious? I think that's the word I'll go for. I don't want to be sad on my birthday, so of course I'll maintain a face of happiness, but I am a tad sad and I reckon at some point today a little bit of cry will ensue. Not in public though, Jesus.

On a more positive note, I am buzzing for my birthday. Honest. I have cards and presents already to open from the fam and friends that have either arrived in the mail or the Bae brought them up (cause he was rich enough to come and see me this weekend, what a good egg). So that's gonna be good fun, and then me and the housemates are going out to the SU where they're hosting a rock night so that's right up my street! For once, I'm going to know the music in a club haha :') So tonight's going to be a cracking night! (I've got the Amaretto ready!!)

Now, onto a completely unrelated topic; writing.
In a seminar the other day we had to do some free writing based on a colour; I picked red because its my favourite. I actually quite liked what I wrote (its completely unrelated to me by the way, this was just a random point of view) and so I thought I'd share it on here. Hope you like it.

RED

The sunset was a deep red tonight, the burning embers of the bold star setting fire to the skyline. I was sat up on the hill where we usually meet, watching the scarlet sky dim as the onslaught of night consumed my picturesque view. I'd been here for at least an hour now, waiting for you, despite knowing you weren't going to turn up.

I'd said I was sorry.

You'd said it was okay, but your voice betrayed your true feelings over the phone. I knew better than to be here, but I had to try.

The vibrant yet dense forest behind me had only second ago been filled with life; the birds chirping, the leaves dancing in the breeze, the distant chatter of woodland animals. Now though, it looked empty, silent, a void ready to swallow me up.

If you didn't come soon maybe I'd let it.

(All writing is mine, I reserve the right to beat you up if you take any and claim otherwise, not that you guys would.)

Uni Life Has Begun

I was looking through my blog posts this morning and realised that I haven't posted anything since Christmas?? For an aspiring writer, I'm quite shit at consistently writing.
But that's all going to change, I hope you'll be happy to know, because I made it into university (I managed to get into Winchester!) and I'm on the Creative and Professional Writing course, so I'll be spending most of my time reading and writing, and most of the work I'll do I can post on here, like I started doing last year.
On a more current note, my house (that's right; house, not halls?) is quiet lovely to be honest. Its not falling apart unlike other houses on the street and somehow I've managed to bag the biggest room?! I think its bigger than the living room. I've made it quite homely by putting some posters up and my vast array of soft toys, although dwindled dramatically with the move, are still decorating my bed, matching my red and white colour scheme that I continued into the kitchen. I should totes be an interior designer if this writing lark falls through.
My housemates are amazing. I have honestly hit the jack pot, they are so lovely! And they're such a good laugh too. In the house we've got two boys and three girls - and the added bonus of an extra girl because one of the lads' girlfriend also goes to this uni and she around here a lot, and she's brilliant which is just fab. I can also honestly say that their selfie games are strong because I keep finding new ones on my phone after I leave it lying around.
The actual city of Winchester is lovely, although rather hilly. and by that I mean ridiculously so. Its like living in Sheffield. I'm so used to the flat lands of Hedon and Hull, that coming here and living on the TOP of a hill, where the uni's at the bottom, is just a piss take. Its a twenty minute walk, which is fine, but its so up and down that I'm dying by the time I get anywhere. Hopefully I'll get used to it and I wont have to drink a whole carton of milk every time I get home in an effort to cool down.
Luckily, the main city centre is relatively flat and its basically like a big Hedon, so I'm kind of in my element here. I'm chuffed with my choice of uni, put it that way.
As today is Sunday, the last day of freshers, and tomorrow the lectures start, I'm going to have to do some washing today. I cant really be arsed, but I'm running out of clothes so its a bit of must really. In order to do that though, I have to get out of bed. I've been awake since half 8, but I've been in bed since then, just laid here wide awake. I don't know why I didn't go downstairs, I think I just didn't want to wake anyone else up. They're all up now though, cause I've heard the shower go at least three times, so I think I'm safe now.

xoxo

The End is Nigh

Hello everyone!

I'm back to normal now I think, we haven't been told to post anymore blog posts with regards to the creative writing work, so I believe I can continue narrating my life for all four of you to read ;)

I kid of course, there's probably just me ;)

I'm changing the font up a bit for this post, or at least I think I am. It's coming up different in the drafting stage, but I won't know if it's actually different on the blog until I post it, and by then it will be too late. Let's cross our fingers I'm not full of shit then, shall we?

Anyway, as the title suggests, The End is Nigh, and with this I am referring to a lot of things. The end of 2014 is quite an obvious one, with us being nine days away from Christmas (ARGHH!!) and then a few days later its 2015 (more ARGHH!!). This year seems to have flown by, as do they all, so its not that much of a surprise that we're nearly fifteen years into this millennium. It just makes me feel really old instead.

Speaking of old, my time as a child has come to an end - I am officially eighteen years old now and have been for a couple of months. Legal to drink, gamble, vote and get a tattoo. Just a few things that I obviously yearned for as a seventeen year old? ;)

I do want a tattoo to be honest, I already know what I want as well. I've known for years and I always said that if I still thought it was a good idea when I turned eighteen then I would definitely get them done. I want two, on my ribs on the right side, because I don't want it somewhere that isn't covered by all the clothing I own and I wanted to be able to see it because a tattoo is for me, not for anyone else, so it being on my back is out of the question. Also I'm not a frat boy who wants some tribal thing across my shoulders or down my arm or a drunk girl who thinks a tramp-stamp is a good idea. Not judging, just expressing my educated opinion.

My time at Wyke has nearly come to an end too, which means that my UCAS application is finished and is ready to be sent off. UCAS is the website us academic enthusiasts use in the UK to apply to go to university, something that I not only want to do, but I believe I have to do. I'm going to be the first person in my whole family to attend uni, and since I like being different, it makes sense for me to go. ;)

I'll be honest, I have left it quite late in comparison to everyone else in terms of applying, but when it comes to a decision like this, I wasn't going to rush into it just to meet the false deadline the college put in place. The UCAS deadline is January. Sending it off today is plenty of time.

I've applied to five different unis, all with a similar course - Creative Writing. The course obviously differs between each uni, but they all stem from creative writing in some way, whether it's alongside English or professional writing, or both. My original plan was to apply for a psychology course, but my AS results and my predicted A2 suggest that that probably wasn't a viable option for me. Everyone has said that even if I don't get an A overall for psychology, I could still do a course at uni as some don't even require you to do psychology at A level, but I was just put off. My results at AS really got me down about what I wanted to do at university, and it made more sense for me to pursue a passion that I'm good at, rather than a financially stable career that I'm not good at.

I don't want to go into journalism or anything like that, I simply want to be a writer and then eventually I'm going to open my own book store. I don't want to be part of some chain or anything, just a quaint little independent book store, with a small cafe to one side so people can come in, buy a book (hopefully my book) and curl up in a corner with a nice cup of tea. That's a modest dream, right? It's certainly a lot less ostentatious than my goal to own a Bentley. But that's definitely happening so shh.

Speaking of Bentley's, the final Skulduggery Pleasant book came out a few months ago. you heard me, THE FINAL SP BOOK CAME OUT. THE LAST ONE. NO MORE. THE STORY ENDED. THE END WAS MOST CERTAINLY NIGH. I DIED INSIDE. IT WAS MAGICAL. LITERALLY OF COURSE, BUT ALSO METAPHORICALLY. IT KILLED ME. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. IT WAS PAINFUL. IT WAS PERFECT.

I knew that day had to come eventually, I just hadn't really got to grips with how painful it was actually going to be. I think Finn came to realise how much these books mean to me, seen as though he's actually started reading them now. He already owned book one so for his birthday I bought him books two, three and four. He can join me in my suffering now. MWAHAHA ;)

Skulduggery Pleasant was, is, and always will be my favourite book series. It has everything that a great book could want and more, and its one of the reasons I wanted to become a writer. Reading the last book after a year of waiting has reawakened that same voice within me that wanted nothing more that to be a writer, to put pen to paper, or rather fingertip to keyboard, and write novels with funny punchlines and heart breaking plot twists. Derek Landy is the sole cause for my broken heart, and the drive behind my need to pass that pain onto you, my unsuspecting readers. You don't know it yet, but I'm going to emotionally destroy you.

I ain't even sorry.

Referendums to the left of me, referendums to the right

The news channels have been a buzz recently with the Scottish Referendum, taking hold of Britain's eyes and ears. Every time I've turned on the tele the BBC seemed to have forgotten about their English workers, with the Scottish accent the only one being heard. Every single news story was somehow related to Scotland, even those that had nothing to do with the referendum, and those that did went on for hours.

But for me, that hasn't been the most pressing referendum. One has been unfolding a little closer to home in fact, in the surrounding towns and villages of Hull, including my own.

Plans had been made to expand the Hull Council zone and encompass the surrounding villages, rather than us proceed under East Riding of Yorkshire Council. Letters have been sent out to all the houses in the affected areas and voting related posters and signs have been spotted everywhere - houses, businesses, street corners - the villages are ripe with propaganda, all persuading people to vote NO.

And I couldn't agree more.

Back the hell off Hull. We don't want your shitty council with your dodgy coloured bins and your even dodgier MPs. Isn't Hull big enough for you? Do you really need all of us to join with you? Even the Deputy Prime Minister doesn't think this is a good idea. "A bigger Hull isn't necessarily a stronger one". Take that advice - leave us the hell alone.

Scotland wanted independence, and the country voted against it. The same will happen here when the voting closes on the 26th of this month and the papers are counted. NO NO. That's the vote, and if that changes, then I'm moving.

I kid of course, the only way I'm moving is if Mum moves. She does all my washing after all.

Delaying The Inevitable...

The most daunting aspect of being a college student (for me) is the inevitability of moving onto higher education. It was hard enough work getting into the college I wanted to attend, never mind the effort that's needed to get into University.

I've always wanted to go to uni. For as long as I can remember I had aimed to go to uni and get my degree, and anything less than that didn't seem worth my time. But the closer it gets, the more I start thinking that maybe uni isn't the place for me?

My problem with going used to be about money - I never thought I could afford it. Turns out that I was wrong and anyone can go to uni (theoretically) and not have to pay a penny until they start earning enough. My heart was set once again onto going to university and the dream of becoming a fully qualified Psychologist was one step close.

I knew that if I wanted to make a career after going to uni, I had to pick a subject that would pay well in the long run and I'd be doing something I love. So, Psychology was in the lead and all of my attention was on ensuring that I worked hard in my first year of college so I wouldn't have to resit and be a year behind everyone. This was crucial for me and taking a gap year wasn't an option either. My year for uni was 2015 and nothing was going to change that.

Until the end of my first year, were the grades that I wanted to see weren't highlighted in bold on my results sheet. I was devastated. I was grumpy as well, but mainly devastated. I had passed the other subjects with decent grades, a couple of C's here, and a B there, but the E in Psychology was something that I wasn't expecting. My dream moved one step away from me.

I dreaded that I would have to take the entire year again and my nightmare would become a reality. Luckily, it didn't. I agreed to retake AS psychology along side my other A2 lessons and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

But a realisation came over me; clearly this subject isn't for me, despite how passionate I am about it, so instead of doing Psychology at uni, why don't I do an English degree instead?

This thought process wasn't ideal, seen as though nothing apart from teaching sprung to mind when I thought of English-based careers that were stable? And yet taking it on at uni and carrying on as a PhD didn't seem like a bad idea. There's nothing wrong with doing something you enjoy after all? Or maybe I don't go yet, and do another year at college to make sure I'm ready to move ahead in my education?

Maybe 2015 isn't going to be my year after all...

Notices for the past/next few months

Hello all, did you miss me? :D

I must apologise for not posting in such a long time! I have no excuse other than I'm lazy, so deal with it.

A few things have happened since I last posted. I read the last couple just to jog my memory of where my ramblings led you, not quite down the rabbit hole I must admit, but not far off ;)

I finished my first year of college! *cheers from the masses*

The exams were awful to say the least, I didn't revise enough, they were badly spread out (and by badly spread out I mean not spread out at all:/), the people that watch you like hawks during the exam were not only off putting, but close to making me fail. Some loud bitch kept talking to people in the exam and she had jewellery on that made so much noise when she walked anywhere it was like she had a 20 piece orchestra hanging from her neck. Shame they didn't choke her.

I'd say that's an over reaction but I wasn't the only one who noticed her and I know for a fact that more that one student made a complaint against her. I haven't seen her since luckily, maybe the complaints actually worked? That would be a first, I'll be honest.

Anyway, the exams were hideous and I refuse to do them again....oh wait, give it another year and I'll be back here again haha.

So I started the summer holidays off worrying my arse off about exam results, desperate for at least something decent. Something better than a D. Unfortunately that wasn't the case for some subjects, although not the ones I was expecting. Instead of the inevitable U in History, I managed to get a C! How crazy is that?! I thought the exam went terribly, so god knows how I pulled that off. I got a B in English lit/lang so that's not too bad, another C in general studies, although that means nothing when it comes to applying for University. Some accept it as an A level, but most don't from what I've read/heard. I got a D in Creative which I would have preferred to be better obviously, and I got an E in psychology. An E.

I couldn't believe it. That consisted of a D in unit 1 and a U in unit 2. I know that I wasn't very confident when I came out of the exam hall but I wasn't expecting a U :/ Apparently the exam board were extremely harsh this year when it came to grade boundaries, but that still doesn't make me feel any better.

So when it came to re-enrolling at Wyke, Mike (psychology teacher) recommended that I retake AS Psychology along side my A2 subjects so I can improve my overall grade. I agreed with that but I would have rather just resit the exam and revise the content in my own time, rather than resit the entire subject. I suppose I could have said something to Mike, but I didn't see the point. So this year I'm taking AS and A2 psychology, A2 Creative Writing and A2 English Li/Lang. I'm happy with that I guess, can't complain. The lessons so far have been good, and today I had Creative Writing. Jamie (the teacher) is focusing on blogs and I'm quite excited to be honest, it's something I'm extremely familiar with and I love reading and writing blog posts, so hopefully it should be good.

Our first piece of homework is to write a blog post about how our thinking has changed about a subject of our choice. It can be something serious,or something a bit more light hearted, and I have to stick to a word limit of 500 words :/ (I maaay find that difficult?) haha, nahh I'm sure it'll be fine :) I'm mentioning this because instead of making a separate blog just for college related posts, I'm just going to post them on here, so they may not fit in with that rest of my blog and I won't sign off like a usually do, it will probably be a simple, boring sign, if I do one at all :/ So don't be alarmed if over the next few months my blog takes a turn in a different direction.

I'm gonna go for now though guys, my next post will be Creative Writing based, so enjoy that haha ;) 

bye for now!

Over and out;)xxxxxx

Easter 'hols'

Hey guuuuyysss, how've y'all been? :D

Okay, I'll stop. But in all seriousness, I hope you have all been fabulous and you're enjoying your Easter holidays, whether you were off last week and this is your second, or if its your first week off like me, or you're an adult and don't have to deal with this type of crap anymore (I say crap, half term holidays are a god send!).

Just a quick note, I didn't realise until Finn pointed it out that my phone changed 'tumblr' to 'tumble' which may have been quite confusing when I said 'I have tumble now' haha, I can imagine you going 'what the hells tumble? Crazy bitch'. So I apologise :')

Anyway...Easter!

College has been highly stressful as of late. The exams are quickly impending, I have a strong feeling that I'm gonna fail history (which is okay in the long term cause I'm not going to take it next year, but I would still like an AS in history), I have no idea which university I want to go to just that it has to be away from here, and that I don't even know if I want to continue with psychology or purely focus on English?

URGHH: LIFE a book by Becky

So, to start with: exams

They're KILLING ME. I haven't started them yet, and I still hate them. I have two exams for each subjects and I'm taking 5 subjects including the mandatory general studies. I have to revise everything and I'm busy all holiday but apparently the 'holiday' is for revising? Haha okay.

I've devised a revision timetable so that should help because I am completely useless when it comes to time management and I promised myself it would get better at college but instead I feel as if I'm about to be swallowed up and spat back out into adulthood and I just want to cry. Who thought that giving 17 year olds the responsibility of making decisions that will effect us for the rest of our lives was a good idea? Who? I want words.

So, realistically, I'm not gonna revise as much as I want to. This means that I will probably fail my exams, all except English (which I don't really need to revise for, but practice questions will help) because I aced the mock and I'd be happy with a B at AS level in English.

Secondly, failing history.

I am struggling so much with it. I got an A at GCSE and I thought to myself 'well, I love the subject, and I'm clearly good at it, a level should be a piece of cake'. Oh wrong was I. Poor naive Becky. Don't get me wrong, the cold war side of the subject I can handle (to a point) but the British side? Not a god damn chance. When I'm in the class I feel as though I'm the only one who doesn't know what's going on, and when I try to answer a question I can see in my teachers face that he's either pitying me for not knowing or laughing. Its painful to say the least. I want to cry every time I walk in. *cry cry*

Thirdly, university.

I have no idea where to go. I don't want to stay here because I want to move away, I want to be independent and to have the full experience of university and to do that I have to move away. But the only problem is I don't know anything about any universities so I don't know which would be better for me. Which leads me to...

Fourthly, subject??

I want to do psychology, I'm good at it, I'm interested in it and I want to pursue a career in it, both because its my passion but also on a practical level (I will be hella loaded when I'm a doctor).
But then on the other end there's English/creative writing. I am great at writing, gonna be honest. I love reading and books are my life. So logically I should do English/creative writing at uni? But I can't think of a job that pays heavily in the English department unless I write a book series that goes as viral as harry potter or something. Doubt that's gonna happen though. So back to psychology again. Some universities do a joint degree of psychology and creative writing which would be perfect. But it just means finding that university? Woop.

So, what have I been up to during the holiday so far to stop me from revising? Well, I went to dads on Saturday because Carole and Ellie came and picked me up. Simon was hoping to but he had work. We were down the yard looking after the horseys for most of the afternoon and then we got back in and dad was home from work so I finally got to see dad. Not like its been over a year or anything? ;) then we did basically the same on the Sunday, but Carole (and I helped) set up an Easter egg hunt for the kids down the yard which as a concept was great but the kids were little shits so its didn't run particularly smoothly haha lots of tears. But overall it was good fun.

Today, I got to see Simon :) we haven't seen each other since we first met, 2 years ago, so its been a while haha :) I also got to meet Simons girlfriend, Emma and she's lovely, they're well cute together;) simon took us out for lunch at Frankie and Benny's and it was soo nice I would kill for food from there #nojoke and hopefully he's coming round tomorrow as well for a bit in the afternoon (haha if he remembers I'll be shocked;))

I'm going home on Wednesday and then I get to see Finn on Thursday! :D hehe I've really missed him so I'm gonna bake cookies and were gonna be all cutesy and its gonna be fab :3 <3

Then I'm off out for lunch with the girlies on Sunday, to this Chinese/Indian/Italian/american buffet place in hull where I've been before called wings and its really nice so that's gonna be good :)

Then for the rest of next week I'm gonna do some actual revision and then on Thursday I'm going to York for the day/overnight with mum for her birthday on the Friday and were also going with Carrie and Jonathan too so that should be fun :)

Then there's a possible party going on on Saturday and me and Finn are invited so I think we might be going to that, but we haven't actually spoken about it yet so I don't know what's going on there ;)

And then its back to college, *more cry cry* and if I don't kill myself I'll tune back in and inform you how the weeks have turned out:)

See ya later sexy bitches;)

Over and out;)xxxxxx<3

Tumblr and New Year

http://sammycasdean.tumblr.com/post/74763426303/spygoodie-wiccateachings-the-celtic-animal

I have tumblr now and this is a link to a post that came up on my feed and was so accurate it was funny :) I like this sort of thing, the zodiac signs linking with personality traits and stuff, I don't live by it by all means, but I do find it interesting. I'm rather nosey after all ;) I thought that mine was sort of accurate to a point, but Finn's zodiac animal traits were a bit too accurate ;) (hehe love you Finn!)

So yeah I have tumblr: Shezza-locky-bobs

Don't judge me, just follow me ;) <3

I don't post particularly but I note a load of things and to be perfectly honest I have no idea what I'm doing on it. I just keep 'love hearting' posts and that's about it :/ I need a lesson in tumblr-ing and I'll be fine I reckon.

New year: 2014. It been good so far, so i think that's a good start. I'll be 18 this year and in April me and Finn will have been together for two years! And I wouldn't change any of it for the world :) <3

January mock exams went okay to a point, I only got a D in psychology which as far as my career in that subject goes, that's not very good. Apparently this result was a reflection of the majority of scores made by the first year students, but still, I felt extremely confident leaving that exam hall and then I get that!

Shocking.

Anyway, I don't agree with the result as one of the papers wasn't marked very efficiently in my opinion and I think if another member of staff took a look at it they could give me a few extra marks, and I only need one more to get a c.
I need to inquire about this with my tutor, which I was going to do on Friday but he wasn't here, so I have to wait until Thursday :/ urgh so much effort just for me to do what I do best and fight against the better judgement of someone in a position of authority. Woop.

Valentines day soon, which means I need to purchase something for lover-boy.... But what do I get him, that is the question? I'm making pancakes (not them shitty skinny frappé things, proper buttermilk pancakes!) For breakfast on the Saturday after valentines day, so that should be good :) but I also need something cute or romantic or just something good as a prezzie! Urgh the pressures of love ;)

I also need to buy my friend Jade a birthday present, might be able to go half on one with Finn and do a couple joint present...hmm good plan Becky, good plan indeed ;) then I won't be completely poor for the remainder of the month ;)

Anyway, I'm knackered, college in morning, bright and early ;) (technically its still dark when I get up to go for the bus:/)

Over and out;)xxxxxx<3

Tis the end of 2013

My last post was a rant, but I can promise you that this one won't be! ...hopefully ;)

It's that time folks, NEW YEAR! Well not quite yet, but a few days and it will be :) we've had Christmas and mine was fabulous by the way, I hope you all feel that same way about yours :) I successful managed to buy everyone a Christmas present (and they were pretty good if you ask me) and I received some brilliant gifts of my own too :D my mum got me the new phone that I asked for (nexus 5 - very posh, very expensive *insert snooty posh-twat sort of snort of derision at my amazing phone being better than yours*) and Lego marvel on Xbox 360 :D AND she bought me the second Skulduggery Pleasant book in hard back (the English version!) Because its the only one I didn't have in hard back!!! She also got me various other things that I'm very chuffed with :) I'm sooo spoilt, and I love it ;)

Finn (my super-amazing boyf) bought me some lovely prezzies including the Sherlock season 1 & 2 box set!! How happy was I when I opened that you ask? Oh very! :D he also bought me this awesome doctor who poster to add to my poster filled walls and a K9 keyring (omg its so cute!) And a Halo UNSC T-shirt that has my gamer tag on the back :D and lots of chocolate and fluffy socks and slippers and arghh I love Christmas and I love Finn! :D I bought him various things as well of course but my main prezzie to him was a personalised photo calendar that I made on vista print and its got our favourite pictures of us both on each month :) its really lovely and vomit-inducing and just aww at our cuteness :') <3 might make a slideshow on here of some of the pictures ;) make you all feel sick with love and jealousy of ours ;) mwahaha!

Anyway... Mums hosting a new years eve party on Tuesday night so she can use the reclette she got for Christmas and Finn's coming as well! You know what that means...I GET TO SNOG MY BLOKE AT MIDNIGHT! OMG ITS HAPPENING! TICK THAT OFF MY BUCKET LIST KIDS CAUSE ITS HAPPENING THIS YEAR! :D

As you may have guessed, I'm rather happy that I get to spend my new year with him :) <3 (I love you Finn!)

Then on new years day I'm off round to his for some grub :) hehe, its gonna be fun :D <3

The rest of my remaining week off before I'm thrown head first into a bunch of A level mock exams will be spent either doing nothing when I should be revising or being at my dads, because I'm actually going up to see him this week at some point and I'll hopefully be able to see simon as well :) should be good if all goes well :) he's coming down to get me in the car but if he pays I'll happily get the train? ;) it ain't cheap, bitch I ain't made of money! He did ask if I wanted to get the train but I said no because I couldn't afford it, the prices are ridiculous! Luckily I get 20% off being a student, but still :/

So yeah, after all that I get to go back for an accumulation of about 6 hours spread over 4 days of exams at college but my bus comes once a day and I have better things to do than mooch around college for 6 hours waiting for my bus :( I might find somewhere to have a nap, like the stairwell or something. That should totally work :)

So tomorrow I have quite a filled day: asda in morning with aunty Soo, lunch with aunty Soo and grandma then shopping in town with Finn :) spending my Christmas money bitches ;D I'm loaded and willing to shop for once :) its gonna be fun :D and then on Tuesday I'm off out with Sambam and Catherz and I think we might be going to the cinema but I'm not actually sure so that should be good too :)

Well I'm knackered now so I'm off to sleep, also I've ran out of things to say to be fair ;) so goodnight kids, and have a good new year :) don't post any of that "new year, new me" shit - I can't be dealing.
I don't need to be new, I'm perfect as it is ;)

Over and out;)xxxxxx<3

Things that really "get to me"

Hello all,

Its been a while since I posted, and I apologise about that.

A lot of things of happened since my last blog post, I have started my first term at College for one thing. I am studying English Literature/Language, Creative Writing, Psychology and History. I guess you could say I have my work cut out for me with doing 4 (and a half in my opinion) subjects but at first I wanted to do 5, but I needed a grade point average (because I forgot England was slowly becoming America) of 6.5 and due to my D in art, I only got a 5.67 :/ I worked out that if I had not taken art at GCSE, my grade point average would have been 6.7? How pissed was I you ask? Oh, very. Very pissed was this little ginger. I don't know what annoyed me more to be honest, the fact that if I had not pursued a pointless subject that will not only get me nowhere in life because I both failed it, and its pointless, but the fact that I probably failed because I managed to piss off the entire art department before I left by accusing them of being filled with bullshit - which they were by the way. Each teacher had a different approach and a different level on leniency towards the rules of the exam and in my opinion if the head of the department is willing to let his students get away with three extra days of being able to work on their books, then the rest of the department should follow suit. What they shouldn't do is accuse me of lying about the information that I was given, from the head of the department and their students, then go in shouting at their boss about how he's breaking the rules, in front of his class, pushing him into a corner so he then felt compelled to lie to her face and then attempt to punish the students who had "broken the rules" even though he gave them the go ahead. Fucking ridiculous is that school. That's why I couldn't stand to stay there another minute, never mind go to its shitty sixth form.

In all fairness, I'm sure the Sixth Form that Southy has to offer is top notch, even though Ofsted keep coming back year after year telling them that they're "satisfactory" and they need to improve. I'm sure that even though they have about 10 rooms and the same amount of teachers that treat you like you're still that little 11 year old that first walked through the door of that shithole of a secondary school that they can teach to a standard that the students deserve. I mean for god's sake, it tried for so long to become a "technology college" and they spent loads of money fitting that bloody sign claiming that they are, but unfortunately they lost their lovely title because their technology was shite and now they are only a school, but ironically, they cant afford to take the sign down so it still says "South Holderness Technology College" in massive, fake, obnoxious letters. I makes me laugh out loud just thinking about it. To be honest though, I can't really hate on a Sixth form that I don't attend, I can only hold judgement against it as I know most of the members of staff, how it poorly operates and the fact that it managed to keep hold of the majority of my friends.

I went to another college, knowing that to a point I wouldn't have any friends coming with me from southy, although for a while I did think that some were joining me, but they changed their minds at the last minute. I did realise, from the beginning, when I made the choice to go out and actually try and get a decent education rather than just settling for something easy, that I would have to make new friends so I could have some sort of social life while at college. But foolishly, I thought that the friends that I have spent the past five years with, would still be there through it all. I don't have trouble making friends, I never have done and I never will. But the fact is I miss the friendship unit I used to have, even if it was fucked beyond belief. Everyone that comes from southy is childish and pathetic and thinks that the world revolves around them when it comes to their stupid little problems like who does what with who, and who fancies who, and whatever else they think is worth anyone's time, but you would have thought that going into college would maybe make them realise that this is time to grown up? apparently not. The people at my college are lovely, everyone is nice, they are mature and they don't care about any childish bullshit you would associate with being at secondary school. but the students that came form southy and are now in college? still childish as fuck. I really don't care if you read this and think this applies to you and get offended, because the fact is that if you do get offended, then obviously the shoe fits. I watched this theory form in front of my eyes in the past few weeks, and it really was unbelievable. Funny as hell to think about, that how southy treats like you such a child you can't actually grow out of it. so much for setting us up for the future. HA.

I feel like I'm being left behind by my "friends" even though I'm the one who left? Maybe I deserved that, rejected because I bothered to try and move on. Although its ironic because if I had truly moved on, not seeing them or them not bothering to try wouldn't really affect me. and yet it does. Maybe its me who's to blame for not trying, maybe because I applied past experience to current events and decided that if they did care, they would bother, that its terribly back fired and they're waiting for me? But no, I've attempted on a number of occasions but to no avail. I guess I'll take the message and go, haha. I'll go back to all my "friends" at college, who consist of a few people from southy who I didn't really talk to at all when I was actually at southy, and a few people who are friends with Finn. That's kinder cheating though isn't it? using his friends instead of making my own? ;) Well I wouldn't but because everyone is so nice and polite, they don't stick around long enough to actually form friendships, they form quick conversations that get them through the lesson. which is fine, but when you miss people who also claim to miss you but make little effort, and have the nice benefit of actually being around friends, you can't help but feel lonely and a little bit pissed off.

Oh and another thing that's really pissing me off...teenage pregnancy and everyone's nonchalant attitude towards it. what is it with everyone our age and younger that decide its actually okay to get pregnant and to go through with it? what the hell happened to parents teaching their kids about respecting themselves and that abortion actually is an option, although getting pregnant in the first place isn't? What makes it worse is when these girls post pictures of their scan and put it as their cover photos on facebook and they tag their "baby-daddies" in status' about how happy they are that they're having a baby together at 14/15 and that its gonna be called some ridiculous three barreled name that derives from inspiration from the Jezza Kyle show and their parents comment about how proud they are. who the fuck would be proud of their underage child giving birth to something that they still are themselves? It physically sickens me to see how excited they get because they think that mummy and daddy are gonna take care of it all and they don't need an education or to get a job, because the state will pay for all their iphones and gucci shoes and their xbox games and Nike fucking trainers and they carry on going out every night screaming yolo and getting pregnant/impregnating more people without a care in the world because mummy is sat at home looking after their little gifts that they unlovingly and indeservably put on this earth. A baby is something you want to have when you have a stable and loving family unit of your own, when you're married and have a stable career and you know for a fact that you and your partner are able to support and love that child for the rest of your lives. not when you can't even manage to stay with your boyfriend/girlfriend because its "too much hassel babe I just need ma space innit" and you have to rely on your parents to look after it while you go out on the piss. And don't even fucking dare try and lecture anyone who slags you off for being a stupid slut, because you are not mother of the year like you think you are, and yes, we do know what you're going through because for the past 9 fucking months you've been letting us all know through every social networking site going. you are not giving birth to the son of god and stop thinking you're part of some special "teen mums alliance" because you're not, you people are not special and you do NOT deserve my sympathy or my smiling acknowledgement of this amazing "achievement" you think you've accomplished. you're just a silly child who thinks that getting pregnant or impregnating every desperate tramp that's willing to let you is a good way to start adulthood. If you would like some sort of acclamation though, then here it is: Congratulations on ruining the rest of your life. Can't wait for when I get a job because I managed to go to school and I have to pay for you dole money. Have fun, Much love xoxo

I guess I've just spent this post ranting and getting a few things off my chest. I'd apologise for that as well but this is my blog and I think I can put whatever I want within reason. When ranting I don't name names, that's vindictive and pathetic on my part if I did, especially because I'm being so generic with my rants. But  someones you just want to, it can't be helped ;) But I shan't. I'm too British for that sort of thing. ;)

I also turned 17 last month! I'm well old ;) And I have a student card that lets me get discount, such as free Mcflurries when I buy a meal at MaccyD's. With these mammoth saving I don't know what I'll do next! Maybe I'll buy a car, so if I want to see my Dad I don't have to wait for him to get a job or to rely on Carole to come and get me cause Dad's too busy. I could just drive there! How wondrous would that be! Instead of seeing him only at Christmas and waiting for his calls that only ever come if Nanna challenges his parenting or its my birthday. And I wouldn't have to get the bus with all the other peasants every morning! I wouldn't have to pay £29.00 a fucking week just to get to college on a bus that's full of retards and smells of STDs and piss. It would be so much easier, and yet probably more expensive? shame really.

I must say that my rants relieve stress that I have evidently been bottling up and as Tim Minchin calls likes to call them in his poem Storm, "rare, but fun rants", that's how I like to view them hehe :) Well, they're fun for me anyways, if you enjoy them, then that's just a bonus :)

I'm gonna go for now though, I've got college in morning and we wouldn't want me not at my full potential? ;)

P.S. Shout out for Finn who's idea it was of a ranting blog post to happen! This^^ Was all his idea ;) hehe, Thanks babes :) <3

That's all folks,

Over and out;)xxxxxx<3